On Insecurities & Body Image -- How to Find the Root of an Issue

The beginning of 2015 found me sitting at a notepad, pen in hand, to make a list of goals for the new year. But when I finished, it was pretty obvious that something was missing.

• Blog more.  
• Lose weight.  
• Get down to a size X.  
• Go to yoga more often. 
• Go to the gym more often. 
• Eat X vegetables a day. 
• Graduate. 
• Get a "real" job.

The list was too broad and didn't actually represent what I wanted from 2015. When I narrowed down my goals to focus on what I truly wanted to achieve, I realized so many of these were not my own goals, but goals that I felt like I should want to accomplish. Now, my list looks a little more like this:

• Write my Cosplay 101 e-book. 
• Obtain a career in my field at a company I like. 
• Expand my blog content. 
• Bring back Superheroesque. 
• Start a podcast with Liz.

That's more like it.

Conspicuously absent are any weight-related goals. Efforts to be healthier -- including exercising, eating well, and being more active in general -- are amazing goals, but for me, adding them to my to do list is more societally driven than personally driven.

I'm happy with my body. Sometimes it's a struggle, like it is for anyone, but for the most part, I'm fine with the way I look. In fact, I've started to realize that insecurities about my body only pop up when I'm already insecure about something else. If I'm self-conscious about my cosplay skills, I'll blame it on being a chubby cosplayer. If I'm nervous I won't do well in an interview, I immediately think of my weight and how that comes across to others. If someone doesn't like me, I'm worried they'll mention my weight when complaining about me. It sounds silly (and I felt silly when I realized it), but truly, I don't really care about my body, size, or looks until I'm worried about something else. In other words, my insecurities about my body are almost always a symptom of another issue. It's just so much easier to decide your feelings are about your appearance than to actually sort through them and figure them out.

Do I want to go to the gym more often? Sure. But it's not my goal right now, and that's cool. I realized this year that I'd rather wait until I actually have time to focus on my fitness goals than continually guilt myself into half-heartedly completing them.

3 Ways to Find the Root of a Body Image Issue

If you, like me, are beginning to suspect your body image concerns are caused by other factors, here's a few ways to zero in on them:

1. Journal it out. If I can't pinpoint why I'm feeling bad, I always turn to journaling. Grab a pen and notebook, open a Word document, or however else you'd like to write, and just write down everything that comes to mind. Usually, I quickly find that my thoughts take a shift and I realize what's actually bothering me.
2. Ask yourself, "So what?" This is a trick I learned from therapy. Have a conversation with yourself asking what's wrong, then reply to everything you say with "So what?" or "Why does that matter?" This will help you narrow down the issue or realize that it isn't actually a big deal.
   For example: "I'm worried I'll bomb my interview tomorrow." "So what?" "If I don't get this job, I'll have to start all over." "So what?" "I am worried about my finances." "So what?" "I don't want people to think I'm useless or can't find a job with my degree." 
3. Mind map. A technique I've utilized recently is mind mapping, which I re-discovered through Passion Planner (example here). Using mind maps to narrow your goals will help you find out what you truly want to focus on. It's how I realized my initial goal list was definitely not what I wanted to do!

Further Reading

On How to Deal with Bad Body Image Days from Hey Liz
100 Things To Love About Yourself (That Have Nothing To Do With What You Look Like) from Harper Honey
This Year, #LoveTheMirror from The Militant Baker
Lumpy Gets Personal from Her Lumpiness (Trigger warning: Eating disorder talk)

Do your insecurities manifest as body image issues?

Shout out to Miss Lumpy for proofreading and offering very valuable suggestions for this post!

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Rabbit Heart

Last week, I got my first-ever tattoo. A lot of people I've talked to thought I already had one (my mom even said she figured I had a secret tattoo I was hiding from her...!).

In truth, I have wanted tattoos for most of my life, but I knew I wanted them to be very, very significant to me. That's why its taken me so long to get one - I wanted it to be thought-out, something that would age well and age with me, something that would always be important to me.

One of the biggest aspects of my day-to-day life is being vegan. While my other hobbies have changed, I've had an interest in animal rights for the almost 10 years. Being vegetarian, then vegan, has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. I knew tattooing something to signify my identity as a vegan would be  important to me, but I also wanted to be careful. 

The last thing I want is a regrettable tattoo, and while I think I'll avoid animal products forever, there may be a day where I don't identify with the vegan label. I've also had a few friends with somewhat political tattoos that end up resenting the daily barrage of questions that come with wearing their beliefs on their sleeve (literally). I wanted my vegan tattoo to be more symbolic, artistic, and personal than tattooing the word on my body somewhere.

I decided on a bunny because they are the symbol for animal testing and also super cute. I've always felt a connection with rabbits. If I don't feel like discussing veganism with the inevitable stranger who might ask, though, I can always just say I really like rabbits. I also picked a placement that's easy to show off or hide, depending on the situation. (And, yes, I totally thought about cosplay when I chose where I wanted my tattoo!)

I went to Annie at Golden Age Tattoos with an idea for the design I wanted (bunny in a frame, lots of feminine elements). I was totally shocked when I saw the sketch - it was like she took the image directly from my brain. Absolutely perfect! She got to work right away. It hurt, but only about as much as I expected. A few parts were more painful than others (those flowers took so many layers of color - ouch!) but the whole piece was done in about 4 hours. And, by the way - Annie uses vegan ink! 

So now I'm officially tattooed with a large piece, and I love it. I think it reflects my style perfectly, and I couldn't have asked for a better experience. 

Do you have any tattoos? Do they have a special meaning to you?

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Daily Outfit: Cropped

This past weekend, I went to Rooster Teeth Expo for my third year in a row! I don't usually cosplay at this convention - I don't have anything that would fit the genre - so instead I photographed other cosplayers and cute street style. I wanted to wear something cute that would still allow me to roam around the con floor and photograph things easily.

I want to be totally honest with you - wearing an outfit with a crop top, with shorts, as a chubby woman, is totally intimidating. It's not because I'm not confident in my body (even though it's a struggle sometimes) - it's because everyone else assumes that I'm not happy with the body I have. Let me explain...

Almost every time I refer to myself as "chubby," people think it means I think my body is unsatisfactory, but to me, it's just a description. Part of the issue, I think, is that our culture attaches a value to these words. Fitting the ideal is good, existing outside of it is bad. Words like "chubby" or "fat" usually include the connotation of that person having less worth (or self-control, or attractiveness)... but when you believe every body is a good body, then these words lose that connotation.

People always say, "You're not chubby!" But that's just not true. I'm firmly in the "overweight" category of BMI (even though BMI is outdated and incorrect) and I'm definitely not "skinny" or "curvy." I'm on the edge of straight sizing and plus sizing. It's not a debatable fact - chubby is an apt description for my body.

What people really mean when they object to my usage of the word "chubby" is that I'm a valuable person, and that realization is a little heartbreaking. Being chubby and having value as a person are not mutually exclusive, but the way bodies are presented in our culture, it can often seem like the two are at odds with each other.

No, the intimidating part is not my confidence level. It's not that others might see my not-flat stomach, or my rockin' thunder thighs, but rather that they assume I should be embarrassed by my body. I've been told, to my face, that my legs are too pale to wear skirts, that I'm too chubby to wear dresses, that I should never wear shorts.

But at my core, I believe that anyone should wear whatever they want. I believe that dressing in a "flattering" way means concealing parts of your body that others deem less than perfect - and that sometimes, that's not the way you want to dress. And when it comes down to it, I dress for me, not for other people - so I'm going to wear what I want.

Outfit Details

Cardigan: ModCloth | Crop Top: Forever 21 | Shorts: ModCloth

Boots: ModCloth | Necklace: Gift from Peony | Purse: Ebay (Similar)

Do you ever wear clothing you're not "supposed" to wear?

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ModCloth's Plus Size Anniversary + Body Positivity

This post contains affiliate links. If you buy something through a link in this post, I may get a small commission. This post was not sponsored by ModCloth and all opinions are my own.

One of my core beliefs is body positivity - the idea that every kind of body (big, small, shapes of all kinds) is a good body. Our culture shifts from one ideal body type to another, but to me, any sort of ideal is dangerous. The message shouldn't be "real women have curves" or "strong is the new skinny" - the message should be that every type of body is real, and that everyone has the privilege to feel good about the body they are in. Being body positive is another way that I try to be inclusive and loving to everyone.

I was thrilled when ModCloth contacted me about the one year anniversary of their plus size collection. While it's probably already obvious that I'm a ModCloth fanatic, one of the reasons I love the site is that they carry a wide variety of sizes. Anyone and everyone should feel good about the clothes they wear!

I Ladylike It Like That Dress | Charter School Cardigan | Anywhere You Rome Sandals
Living Proofread Rings | Coffee Shop Celebration Necklace

Out of ModCloth's extensive dress selection, there are so many good finds! I was given the I Ladylike It Like That dress to style, which comes in a large range of sizes (and hey, if you like it, it's on sale right now!). I would love to wear this dress to a Sunday brunch or to a coffee shop to write up some blog posts, so that was my inspiration for this outfit. I added on my favorite cardigan ever, the Charter School Cardigan, and matching pink sandals. For accessories, I chose a simple necklace to add some detail and quirky punctuation rings - perfect for writing.

How would you style this dress?

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Announcing: Superheroesque!

Today is February 13, and you know what that means - it's Galentine's Day! (Also my mom's birthday... happy birthday mom!)

For the past year or so, my friend Liz and I have had this vision of a new web project - we wanted to build a safe community where we can talk about self-love and self-improvement in a geeky context. It's been a wild ride getting this project together, and I'm absolutely thrilled to be able to announce that the site is live! The first post is up and we'll be bringing you new content regularly.

"Our mission is to encourage every geek to become their own 

superhero through a happy community of self-love and pop culture."

Please check out the articles and videos currently up, and consider subscribing, joining our G+ community, or following along with social media. We're also looking for contributors! If you have something you want to say, consider submitting it to the site.

Thank you so much for your support. It means the world to me.

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Letting Go & Becoming Barbara Gordon

I have been blonde my entire life. I was born with white-blonde, Targaryen hair which faded to dirty blonde. In my teens I discovered the miracle of highlights and relished in becoming blonder each time I left the salon. (As my hairdresser would say, "The blonder, the better.") Except for a brief stint with a botched, supposed-to-be-red-but-was-definitely-brown dye job, blonde has been my one constant.

I have always believed that being blonde was a natural -- and important, if not crucial -- part of my aesthetic and personality. It sounds so frivolous when I put it out there, but it's true. It's amazing what we get attached to!

I am not a spontaneous person... but when I realized my hair color was limiting me, even in subtle ways, I immediately decided it needed to change. After lots of research, the next morning, I went to Lush, bought their henna hair dye in Caca Rouge, and went to work. The dye sits for about 4-6 hours - plenty of  time for "What have I gotten myself into?" doubts!

After washing the mud out of my hair, I was shocked to see how bright my hair was. Red hair feels totally different from being blonde, but I absolutely love it. Most importantly, I still feel like myself, even without my blonde hair. I'm so ready to move forward and join the sassy redhead club, along with Barbara Gordon, Merida, Flame Princess, and so many more!

For those of you looking into henna hair dyes, Lush's dyes are easier to use and better quality than many other henna dyes out there. But keep in mind that henna will have totally different results based on your base hair color! The results last a lot longer than your typical chemical red dye, but they are also sort of permanent, so make your decision wisely! I looked through a lot of photos and reviews from people with similar hair and did a strand test before covering my whole head. 

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Featured: Celestial Bodies

Abby from A Geek Tragedy interviewed me for her body positive series, Celestial Bodies. I think it's so, so important to remember to be kind to ourselves. Abby's series features a wide range of bloggers and their stories of personal body image - a definite must-read, and I can't wait for more interviews to be posted.

I answered Abby's questions a while ago, so re-reading the final piece made me remember to take my own advice:

"The best advice I could give to my younger self is if it doesn't make you happy, it’s not worth it. Does agonizing over my lack of chest or big thighs change anything? No. Does it make me happy? No. So it’s not worth it. It’s so much more worth it to spend my time doing things I love. If I could take back all the time I spent on hating myself throughout my life and instead hula hoop, or work on cosplay, or travel, I’m certain I’d have several weeks of fun and a much better life experience to share." 

Check out the full article here, and don't forget to browse Abby's blog while you are there. If you are interested in participating in the Celestial Bodies series, simply contact Abby!

What body image advice would you give to a younger version of yourself?

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